Pain can be really insidious in a lot of small ways that have nothing to do with "ouch". The exhaustion and brain fog of it is something those that haven't experienced chronic pain probably don't imagine, but they are just as utterly crippling as spikes flaring in your back. Now, with this nerves burned out...it's literally like a switch got flicked. Not just the pain gone. Better all around. More energy. More optimism. Ready to tackle problems and chores and all 200 pages piled up on my desk.
Was very tired, very depressed, and not happy with anything I wrote...well, a couple scenes were fun. All glory to Mama Welf! The biggest problem of it is that when a bad mood bleeds into King Henry then he's just extra cynical and biting, but when it's Vicky...that doesn't really work and I need to go through and take the optimism and energy I have now and really scrub those pages. Of course, given how miserable I was...maybe those pages aren't as bad as I think they are and, truthfully, wouldn't be even the hundredth time I'd written a first draft, thought it was completely shit, and then immediately turned it around with a "FUCK AM I GOOD!!!"
Recap: feeling better, have energy, plan to use it on editing and then more new stuff!
Excellent news all around, boss. My better person, the one who is an amazing artist and also keeps me going, is also suffering from chronic pain and she understands your situation on a deep level. Here's hoping that you (and she) can find not only relief, but JOY and creativity and all those good things. My instinct about your dive into the draft is that you will discover you are a better writer than "pain brain" gave you credit for. It is really hard to "like" ANYTHING when all your feelings are dulled by constant misery. Take care of yourself and all the best. Trey.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you're feeling better RR! Sending good vibes your way!
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