Grandpa Passed

Later I might write up an emotional post on my feelings and memories, but...right now I'm just really tired.  Um...so on the 15th he started to have blood in his urine.  This has happened before, usually having to deal with all the lovely plastic tubing the poor man had to deal with, and he went to emergency just like he also has before.  This time, however, they couldn't completely stop the bleeding since it wasn't a tubing issue, it was a cancer-eating-your-body issue.

When he left he was still my grandfather, if exhausted and spending most his day in bed and needing a walker to get around the house.  By the time he returned home last Friday, he was bedridden, in massive amounts of pain, unable to really speak, and all those tubes were gushing out a steady amount of blood as his kidneys failed.  By Tuesday he was unconscious and he finally passed Thursday night.

So far, I seem to have gotten most of my grief out of me over these last couple years and I'm just trying to be there for my mother and grandmother and all my family.  Still hurts, still tired, but...I'm handling it.  Funeral is next week, we have to keep it small because of Covid, so...that's not going to be fun.  Thinking I might be the asshole who yells out "No hugging!" every few minutes just to keep us all alive.

After all this, we have an estate to deal with, a house to sell since grandma is moving in with my aunt, and I have major surgery on July 31st.  Which is exciting, but also...god what horrible timing.

Assuming they don't cancel all the elective surgeries again because wearing a mask is just so fucking difficult for the American people!

Anyway, stay safe everyone.  After this month, everything should start coming together and clearing up for me.

Thank you for all the kind messages you've been leaving on the blog and sending to my email.