We All Deserve a Tease

First good, painless night writing/editing I've had in over six months.  Progress being made again, MRI next week.  Literal first draft, so everything will change and typos and yada yada, but...enjoy!  Who knows how long the spine will hold out for me to keep going, but here's hoping!

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Camping Test weekend.

Here at last.

One month down, ten more to go.

Only ten more to go…

Not a single dead body, but a few epic anima discharges along the way.

Max won the prize for the Most Embarrassing.  Never seen anyone shoot piss across a bathroom like that, much less all the way to the ceiling, and sure as fuck not for almost ninety seconds straight.  Like the poor kid was trying to control a fire-hose, but he only had a few inches to grab on.  Damn near lifted him off the ground at one point.  Not that I saw it all, took me a minute to run into the communal bathroom and…thought someone maybe tripped and busted a knee, but…even after it was over, poor Max looked like wanted to die.  Now I’m worried he’s gonna shotgun a hole through someone every time he whacks off!

Most Dangerous went to the Kanes.  Starting their usual sibling argument shit—so fucking happy JoJo wasn’t a mancer at this school or things would’ve gotten bloody!—over which was better and then suddenly they ain’t glaring eyeballs, they’re both glaring big spouts of flame at one another.  They didn’t smolder themselves, but their colors caught on fire.  Had them rolling on the ground, blasting them with an extinguisher and whatever dirt my geo-anima pool could add to the mix.  Was plenty embarrassing too, being they had to walk half-naked into the Infirmary and stay the night for observation…

And yes, I noped out like a pussy before Miss Strange started blaming me for any of it!

Camping Test weekend.

The first day in a month where I get to be me again.  Think for me.  Not think for thirty fucktards.  And a dog.  Can’t forget the dog.  Or his ass.

First day where I get just a little bit of my Asylum life back.

Didn’t think I’d miss it, but I did.

Wasn’t even day yet.

Earlier.

Super fucking early.

Had-A-Coke-Binge-And-Woke-Up-In-A-Whorehouse-Bathtub kind of early.

Everyone else got to sleep in cuz…weekend…but not the Foul Mouth.

I was in charge of the Singles.

I had duties.

I didn’t get to dream about sunshine and rainbows and…mountainsides that won’t shut up about weird anima shit.

Not everyone.  Mr. Gullick is leading the test this year and Wolfgang von Welf has to run his pack out to the camp site and there’s the bus driver and…and you!  King Henry Price!  Special purple penis butterfly, just like you always wanted!

Technically I was only supposed to head downstairs and wake up Class 2015, but if I have to be awake and it’s a holiday and all that, why should I put a cap on my joy-o-meter?

Joy-o-meter should go all the way to the fucking moon!

Also…I might have double dosed some special dark sin death-god European style Espresso something or other coffee that I pilfered from Welf a while back and…it hadn’t fixed everything in my life—still very horny—but the rest?  Felt really fucking awake right now.  Like…my eyeballs had eyeballs and they were wide open too.  And I might not like waking up in the pre-morning-even-roosters-still-sleeping of a holiday weekend, but…waking up other people in the pre-morning-even-roosters-still-sleeping of a holiday weekend?

All those dorm doors!

All those sleeping friends just wasting the day away!

Double Sin Eater Cat Scratch Fever Coffee said:  of course you should, King Henry, of course you fucking should!

Geo-anima just bubbled on up as rebellion and havoc raced through my veins right beside all that caffeine.  Slammed my fist into Jesus’ door right next to mine.  His fault for not moving away yet.  Not that anyone would have traded , but with Athir dead and Isabel imprisoned there were open spots.

.

.

.

Yeah, that joke is a little fucked up even for me.

But…Midnight Demon Razor Blowpop Coffee said:  you’re so funny, King Henry!

I slammed my fist like five more times in quick succession.

Ain’t a tall man, won’t ever be, but I inherited my father’s massive hands and knuckles.  Made for some explosive raps and some solid thuds.

Door opened just a sliver.

Dark inside.  Only light was from a television in the bedroom, playing static insanity.  Even the LED lights in the hallway were still stuck in power-saver mode, little embers of orange uselessness.  Might not trip and break your neck, but couldn’t read any graffiti painted across the walls.  Got to use glow-in-the-dark stuff…if you like…wanted to write ‘Welf likes being pegged’ for any reason whatsoever…

Jesus met my eye.  Just the one, rest of him hidden behind the door.

Eye promised pain.

So much pain.

Stray dogs pissing on my porch, gnawing on my ankle, eating my cat, shit like that.

Returned him something that could vaguely be described as a smile.  “Mornin’, Lord and Savior, have you heard the good word?”

He took in my colors, fully dressed for my day.  “You’re a pendejo, El Rey.”

“Camping Test weekend, ol’ buddy, knew you wouldn’t want to miss any minute of it.  It being your first truly big Book Keeper event and all that, bets coming in from every angle, side bets on top of that, teachings wanting in on the action.  Really don’t want to fuck it up…especially after all the arguments got started about whether lesbians counted for your first bet given the wording you used and then the way—like by magic more powerful than the Mancy itself—there was this totally organic extra argument about how it was sexist and bigoted if they didn’t count…on some thin ice, ol’ buddy, on some very thin ice…”

Jesus’ eye got across that it might not be a stray dog doing the pissing on my porch.  “How long are you going to keep punishing us, El Rey?”

“Oh, I don’t know…not that much longer…you are awake for the day, right?  You ain’t gonna go back to sleep when I leave, are you?  Anyone at all could stop by, banging on the door, since some totally random person might spread the word that you’re already open for business…”

Jesus’ eye got across that it would neither be a dog nor would it be piss, but from the other end.  “You haven’t made a wager, I noticed.”

“Insider trading, ain’t it?” I swapped from smile to canine grin.

“Bet on Leah, didn’t you?”

“Well…given the boys in Class 2015, it was pretty obvious she was the only one ever seen someone else's vagina before.”

“Or maybe it’s harder for you to rig the Camping Test.”

“Nah, obviously about how honorable and noble I am.”

Bed squeaked behind Jesus like someone had gotten out of it.

We stared at each other for a spare moment.

“Hope she’s prettier than a goat,” I forced myself to tease.

“Pretty enough I don’t mind their being no hooves,” Jesus quipped back.

“Also hope she ain’t Hope…”

He grunted, subconsciously sliding the door ever slightly towards closing.  “Least I have something to do now you woke me up.”

“You didn’t kidnap Tossy for the night, did you?  I’d have to report that shit…”

“El Rey, how much caffeine did you gulp down?”

“Wasn’t the size so much as the fact it was less liquid and more coffee-flavored syrup that I'm pretty sure made my pubes vibrate Thunderstruck all the way through the first chorus.”

“El Rey…promise me you’ll never do cocaine, okay?”

“Sure.  Good advice, Jesus, good advice.”