Surgery Coming Up

The Rona might be wrecking face again, but so far it looks like elective surgeries in California might just hold out.  So we're a little under two weeks until my surgery.  Major surgery, obviously, so no idea how long it might take for me to get back and focused, but...I'm feeling more focused than I have in the last couple years, so here's hoping the pain isn't too bad.  Granted they are cutting up and stitching together a bunch of my stomach and intestines so...

Physically, writing is pretty simple, even if I have to lie in bed and scribble on some paper for awhile.  Mentally...well, that's always been the whole ball game, hasn't it?  Never been able to write very well when I was worried or anxious or even when I had a cold or the flu (looking at you, Dread Fortress Flu Ridden Editing Session!).  Like to feel pampered and happy and entertained by copious amounts of good media.  My anxiety problems are, oddly, the best they've been in a long while.  Really feel like I've passed through the eye and I'm out the other side.

Right now, my goal to stay inside and keep safe and also I've just started typing up the last 25 or so handwritten pages I had left on War to End All Wars.  After that, we got surgery, then recovery, then I'm back to writing mad scientist style for the first time in a couple years.  Granddad is gone, I've grieved and grieved for a long while now, so time to take all the emotions and experiences I've endured and put them to good use entertaining people and hopefully touching a few hearts.

If I have to hand write some more then I'll focus on War to End all Wars.  If I can sit at a computer I'd like to take a run at finishing the Vicky novel before the end of the year, although...again:  major surgery so no promises.  Could leak, could get backed up, lot of ways to end up in emergency after this, so...no promises just yet while I figure out my new normal.

If I could do it all over again, I'd probably never let myself take a vacation following FM6.  Or that might have made it worse, since I was already in rough shape following that thousand-pages-in-a-year sprint.  Still...this has all been bungled and, the toughest truth of writing is that nothing happens instantly and it's going to take awhile to unravel the webs and get us back to where we should have gone immediately.  No more side novels after the Vicky one.  No more school stories after War to End All Wars.  Just the main story.  If I go Galactic Brain Mad Scientist maybe I'll work on some other series, but...really want to get back to King Henry in a bad way.

Just typing up these pages I'm already laughing at my own jokes and chuckling at what comes next...

Grandpa Passed

Later I might write up an emotional post on my feelings and memories, but...right now I'm just really tired.  Um...so on the 15th he started to have blood in his urine.  This has happened before, usually having to deal with all the lovely plastic tubing the poor man had to deal with, and he went to emergency just like he also has before.  This time, however, they couldn't completely stop the bleeding since it wasn't a tubing issue, it was a cancer-eating-your-body issue.

When he left he was still my grandfather, if exhausted and spending most his day in bed and needing a walker to get around the house.  By the time he returned home last Friday, he was bedridden, in massive amounts of pain, unable to really speak, and all those tubes were gushing out a steady amount of blood as his kidneys failed.  By Tuesday he was unconscious and he finally passed Thursday night.

So far, I seem to have gotten most of my grief out of me over these last couple years and I'm just trying to be there for my mother and grandmother and all my family.  Still hurts, still tired, but...I'm handling it.  Funeral is next week, we have to keep it small because of Covid, so...that's not going to be fun.  Thinking I might be the asshole who yells out "No hugging!" every few minutes just to keep us all alive.

After all this, we have an estate to deal with, a house to sell since grandma is moving in with my aunt, and I have major surgery on July 31st.  Which is exciting, but also...god what horrible timing.

Assuming they don't cancel all the elective surgeries again because wearing a mask is just so fucking difficult for the American people!

Anyway, stay safe everyone.  After this month, everything should start coming together and clearing up for me.

Thank you for all the kind messages you've been leaving on the blog and sending to my email.

Still Sick FYI

On the tablet, so will be shittily written and brief!

Life's not as bad as the April update, but still very up and down.  I am typing my written pages for FM7A into the computer, so some small progress is being made (actually really like what I have, just wish there was more of it!).  Feel better now that they have me on a swallowed steroid inhaler this last week if still not anywhere near normal, so there's that...

Surgery looks like it could be happening in July, it's also supposed to help with the esophagitis, so there's that too...

Grandpa's finally losing the fight and the cancer is spreading rapidly.   They dont think he'll make it to the end of the year...but he's beaten those odds before and there's Nascar to watch now, so dont bet against him!

Will probably be switching to work on the Vicky novel post surgery.  Its the most finished and shortest of the stupid amount of unfinished projects I got going at the moment, so...makes since to start there after the reset.

Plus I need to get away from all the teenager characters or my head is going to explode!

Been Really Sick (Not Covid)

So I was diagnosed with this thing called EOE back in January.  It's basically a type of allergic esophagitis where your system starts pumping out ungodly amounts of white blood cells in your throat (where they aren't supposed to be to begin with) and it can lead to trouble swallowing and heartburn and stuff like that.  My GI didn't seem overly concerned about it since he prescribed a pill and never really bothered to explain it to me in detail and I only got to talk to him for like 5 minutes in three months.  So, why should I worry, right?

Well...40 pounds later (20 of which was lost in the last week), 3 emergency room visits, a proof positive allergy to milk, a new diet that consists of removing every major allergen for the time being that's like half vegan hell and the other half with a distinct lack of pizza or tacos for my tastes, it's being pretty fucking horrible.

Imagine having heartburn that is the worst heartburn you've ever had and no antacid or pill or anything anyone on this entire world can do about it and you're stuck like that for a week.  Plus no eating.  Plus no sleeping.

During a fucking pandemic.

And oh yeah, I made the mistake of wheezing on the way in the second time--cuz Asthma--and I got sent to the HOLY FUCKBALLS scary part of the hospital that day.  Oh, all the doctors are in outbreak suits all of sudden, look at that.  Oh, people stuffed into dark glassed off rooms.  Me, sitting there in the middle of it, in shorts and a t-shirt, little tiny cheap ass mask, asthmatic, overweight, high blood pressure, THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING SAFE, ain't it?

"Don't worry, dude, if we actually thought anyone had it in here, they're be in there own room."

You're in an outbreak suit!

You have a handlebar mustache!

Why is there a homeless guy walking around in here with two different shoes on?

Why can I see that nurse's asscrack?  She's in an outbreak suit and somehow still her asscrack is showing and no one has bothered to tell her?

Why is that glass door open three inches?  Anyone?  Why do you all keep going inside of it and yelling at some poor old lady?

I just wanted a GI cocktail so the pain would stop for an hour!   One fucking hour!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS TIMELINE?!?!?

So...no writing has been done.

Just FYI...

I might be able to eat corn flakes tomorrow.

Yay!

With coconut milk...

:(

Important Update:  oatmilk > coconut milk, at least in the cereal-soaking-yummy-yummy department.

Quick Notes: Forced to Write Edition By State Order Edition

1.  Writing has improved to a couple pages a day at the moment (we're talking handwritten pages so they're quite a lot bigger than word processor btw).  At this rate, one of the books I'm working on will eventually get finished months and months from now, so...there's that!

2.  The scene I'm working on is KH meeting Class 2015 for the first time, so I'm pretty much doing 29 character (since he already knows one of them technically) introductions at the moment, one after another and trying to make it work.  Adding to the difficulty is the fact that all 31 people are talking on and off.  Very chaotic so far, hope you all keep up with it...

3.  How is it that I used to be able to write 90k novels with two storylines and now I'll be lucky to wrap this school story business all up in just 150k?  It's definitely going to be an indulgent book, no question about that.  For those that like twenty pages of Val, KH, Welf, and Miranda eating breakfast or KH spending multiple scenes attempting to prank the Lady or learning more about Welf family trees...

4.  But it's the last school story, and once it's finally done we can move to the new era of 24/7 CRAZY WEIRD MANCY SHIT.

5.  Health wise, everything is completely on hold.  Don't have an appointment until May and we'll fucking see if that actually happens, right?  No COVID so far...Fresno seems to be doing a really good job (California as a whole really), unless the Plague I had late February was COVID, but I'm pretty doubtful about it.  Did catch it from a hospital and was super, super sick even with a flu shot, but probably not.  The weirdest part was that Sherbert and the other cats caught it, which they say COVID can do, but no way to know until someone starts mass producing antibody tests...so...stay home and write, Raley.

6.  Can't believe how much I'm missing sports.  Other than the Football Manager addiction making me watching the occasional soccer game over the last couple years I really haven't been into much for the last five or so years, what with the books to produce and all.  Yet it's weird not have the general background noise that the sports leagues are going on, highlights on reddit and youtube and what not.

7.  Final Fantasy 7 Remake is great so far, about 14 hours in, having a blast.

8.  Anyone else having trouble focusing enough to watch television shows?  I find it so nerve wracking for some reason, I keep watching 2 or 3 episodes of something and then switching across to another the next day, where usually I'm a complete binge machine.  I just don't enjoy tension and conflict at the moment.   Wonder if there's money to be made in tv and movies where everything just goes the character's way and it's all nice and pleasant?  Probably why people turn to HGTV and Food Network and the like...

9.  Grandpa turned 90, fuck you cancer!