Minor Update

 6 chapters left on the FM6 readthrough.  20 pages left to type into the laptop from Session 92.

Oh, I'm also losing my mind.

I think the reason why I hate the noteapalooza is it's 100% non-creative grunt work.  Probably speaks to why I put it off for 8 years.  But...not enjoying it...at all.  It just takes FOREVER.

On a positive note, my spinal pain has dropped quite a lot, overall from like 7s to 4s.  Not nearly as much as I hoped, but I can type for much longer periods, including about 1k of new material I came up with while inputting the edited pages into the laptop.

Biggest hindrance is midback pain while sitting for so long and muscle weakness in my left arm.  That grip just feels very light and the movements are very sluggish still.  I'm also quite gun shy about leaping out into new experiments at the moment.  Don't want to reinjure anything by overdoing it.  Like I have about a dozen times in the last three years.

We learn eventually!!!

Don't see the spine docs until next month, will know the next steps then.

Until then, noteapalooza continues and then Edit Slightly-Slower-Than-Usual-Hell.

So I'm Addicted to The Bazaar

My days are pretty much:  play Bazaar run.  Type 4 pages of edits into laptop.  Play Bazaar run.  Type 4 pages of edits into laptop.  Play Bazaar run.  Read chapter of FM6 while taking notes.  Huh, time for another Bazaar run, huh?

It's like Hearthstone Battlegrounds meets Backpack Battles except with a much higher quality level art and polish wise.  In Open Beta now, needs some work on bugs and balance, but full release is supposed to be in January.  FTP, so check it out when it drops.

October Burnination Week #2

Predictably, my left side is just finally starting to heal and feel better as I need to get the right side burnt out on Wednesday.  I swear, I never type Wednesday right.  Wed-there's an n somewhere-day.  Anyway, I've managed to finish the main rewrite/edit/whatever-the-**** on the last chapter, the one bit of work I accomplished this month, looks like.

Means the TO DO list is something like:

1. Type Session 92 changes into laptop.
2. Finish Readthrough Notepalooza on FM6 + 3 MancyVerse Moments novels.
3. Upload 2024 Editions to Kindle
4. Second Draft of Seismic Semester (sans Session 81 which is locked, you're a good chapter, yes, you are!)
5. Post Session 81 Preview and Cover Reveal
6. Subtraction Edit of Seismic Semester
7. Formatting
8. Kindle/Copywriting Edit
9. Beta Read
10. Release (reminder that I do not release during the Holidays, so even if all goes smoothly [it hasn't been] the soonest would be mid Feb-there's an r somewhere-ary)

But in the near future, back in rest and heal mode for a couple weeks looks like.  Season 2 of Arcane and the Diplomat coming out in that time, two of my favorite shows of the last few years, so I will be entertained at least.  HIGHLY recommend both.  Arcane is a must for anyone.  Diplomat is the most West Wing feeling show I've watched, except if not limited by tv network censoring laws.  Same producers and Alison Janney has been cast as the VP, the West Wing bloodline is very present.

10/30 Update:  Done with the RFA.  Came home, iced up, napped for 4 hours (is it a nap if it's 4 hours?) and now I'm feeling about what I expected the pain level to be at last time instead of the intense misery I was greeting with.  So that's good news that we might not need 2-3 weeks recuperation this go around.  Let's hope we can get back on track with the edit and the pain keeps dropping to a point where I don't have to write the next novel on a phone.  Though I've gotten quite speedy at it after 140k words... 

A Fitting Seismic Semester Tease

Apologizing to patients being a grave sin as far as Evelyn Strange was concerned. Only slightly less problematic than rooting for the Yankees.

Another Week Off?

Spine is, if not screaming, then still vigorously complaining.  I suppose this is a good sign from a certain point of view that this really is the area that's the main perpetrator and it's taking a bit longer to heal up.  But yeah, still bruised and swollen where they burnt the nerves out.  Pain and aching all down my left shoulder and around my neck too.  Woke up to a thirty minute intense cramp in my left foot today, that was fun.

So...no work getting done really.  Few days back I managed to hand edit a whole 8 pages of the last chapter (which is the only chapter still left in first draft state), but I've been paying the price ever since.  Just very gun-shy to push myself with more and think another week of FM and reading in bed is probably the smarted thing to do.  No matter how frustrated it makes me.

Read through the four Thursday Murder Club books, good fun if weak on the mystery aspect.  Septuagenarians solving murders from their retirement community if you haven't heard of it.  Turning it into a movie with Helen Mirren as the lead, should be fun.  Highly recommend Penguin if you haven't started it as well.  Don't even really need to be a comic book fan to enjoy it, I'd say.  It's once again made me realize how little time I have for even "good" television these days when we have so much "great" media swirling around.  Been struggling through quite a few shows the last month maybe forcing myself to ingest an episode a day and then devoured all four episodes of Penguin yesterday, and I can't wait for the next one.

Anyway, 3 paragraphs is about what I want to push myself to type at the moment, so here's hoping I have more productive news to report in a week or two.

10/19 Update:  Back to doing some light editing of the last chapter.  Still sore/swollen/bruised, but not as bad.

Week Off

Burnination C4 to C7 left side tomorrow morning.  Be out of action for a week at least.  Got tried of note taking and worked on editing the first chapter of Seismic Semester the last couple days.  I think it's like...done.  Just don't see anything more I can do with it.  Nothing to add, did my subtraction edit.  It feels pretty tight.  Might be some typos I catch on the kindle or the beta readers notice, but...feels locked.  So one down and eleven to go.  Granted the first chapter is the shortest and simplest by a mile, because of course it is!

Regardless, it being done, I'll post it as a sample chapter later this month or early November along with the cover reveal.

Hope any of you in Florida are staying very safe.  Had some of my family dodge the worst of Helene in NC.  Not fun, not fun at all.

October Preview: FM6 Noteapalooza and Burnination

4 doctor appointments, including the left/right C4-C7 RFAs this month.  So far I'm usually in extra amounts of pain for about a week after every RFA, I imagine it will continue this time.  Two weeks after I start feeling better with pain levels dropping.  Since the vast majority of my pain is radiating from this spot, no idea how much extra pain or how much it will drop once they're through burning those nerves out.

My hope is that I'll be able to sit in chair and type for 8 hours a day afterwards.  Being able to go for a morning walk and use a video game controller and not having to wear wrists braces 24/7 would be nice added bonuses, but I really just want my typing to be painless again.  Or at least a lot better than it is now. So, that's the hope.

I have started the FM6 readthrough.  Got through 5 sessions in 2 days and I already want to die (22 left to go).  104 notations already.  Pfft.  Already noticed a couple things I'll need to add to Seismic Semester, imagine there will be more.

So that's me for the next month.

Totally recommend playing Tactical Breach Wizards if you like puzzle/tactical games btw.  It's not like XCom where you have percentages and every encounter is long and grindy.  Is much more like a puzzle game since every skill hits and you're expected to clear rooms in two turns max (very few go longer if you're doing things right).  Good characters and fun urban fantasy story too.

10/5 Update:  Well, they timed the RFA just right, because the one they did last November is starting to wear off and I'm struggling.  Can't work but ever other day, even editing instead of straight up writing.  Have managed to get 11 chapters down, with 16 left to go.  196 notations.  Eek!  That's where most of the pain comes from, handwriting everything down.  Here's hoping handwriting detection AI gets better over the next 5 years so I can more easily digitize everything in the future.

Was reading the Learning Council powwow chapter today, where Moira Welf gets her first real introduction.  Funny to think she wasn't really around for so many books, since she's so important later in the novel and especially going forward.  As I've said before, Vicky is the POV character of her novel, but Moira is the driving force.

First Draft Done

Brain mush.

9/25 Update:  You can't even begin to imagine what a massive weight off my chest this is.  I wrote the first chapter of this novel in 2018!!!  So much insanity in my life and to just have a first draft done, to be able to say, "this is a story," is such a relief.  I have 31 different corrections/rewrites I need to fix so far, need to change a ton of characters from [XXX] to actual names, beautification, clean up, tightening, formatting, all that fun, but...it's officially 225k words of story.  Sessions 81 to 92 to be exact.

I think genre wise, it's probably most accurate to call it magic school slice of life.  I'm sure some percentage of my fanbase addicted to explosions and vampires and dragons might not dig that, but if you love the characters, there's so much time with Val and Miranda and Welf and all the new Singles and Ceinwyn and Plutarch, probably the most Lady that's ever been in a FM novel, Asa has a subplot, Ronaldo and Makayla speak, what's the world coming to!

Last Big Scene Down

3 falling action scenes left to write and the Seismic Semester is over.

Also, the cover is finished!  Probably reveal it and give you lot the first chapter in November if all goes well (December if all does not go well...January if things go very badly).

9/23 Update:  So I miscounted and it was actually 4 falling action scenes, but it's down to 3 now!

Quick Notes September 2024

1.  RFA C4-C7 is finally a go for October!  This should bring the most relief I've gotten so far, now that they've narrowed down where the problem area is.  Best news I could've asked for! (other than the spine spontaneously healing, I suppose)

2.  As such, October will be ****ed.  But November onward could be heavenly.

3.  Blogger is tagging posts as not sensible for public standards if I curse too much, hence the above self censorship.  **** you, AI overlords!

4.  Cover work on Seismic Semester is ongoing.  King Henry will not be the character on the front.  Chill!  It's still all from his POV and a Tape (Sessions 81-92), I just have the 6 covers with him already and 3 more in the bag (WtEAW/FM7/FM8).  So I thought adding some variety going forward would be fun and this character being on the front is pretty fitting given the story.

5.  As I've said many times, it's a photoshop cover using stock photo elements, they try their best, but it is not an artist spending weeks on a newly created personalized painting that I'm spending thousands of dollars on, so adjust your expectations accordingly.

6.  I got tired working on the readthrough.  Finished FM5, but the idea of two weeks on FM6 broke my spirit.  I'll get back to it in a couple months.

7.  Edited Session 91 for the first time instead and now I'm typing it into the computer while having even more brilliant ideas, of course!  Sessions 91 might be the best chapter in the book.  I don't know...pretty proud of Session 83 too.

8.  Plan (also known as whatever makes me happy) is to edit what I have of Session 92 (14k words already!) and finish the first draft on Seismic Semester before I enter RFA burnination territory next month.  Have like...ten day window in the middle of September and another ten day window ending the month into early October, so decent chance I might manage it.

9.  I hate the International Break...so, so much.  The season just ****ing started!

10.  Might finally watch Furiosa tonight.

11.  Speaking of great watches (I hope, don't let me down, George Miller), I finally checked out Blue Eye Samurai on Netflix and can't recommend it enough.  Maybe my favorite thing I've watched this year?  Fallout was good and Delicious in Dungeon too, maybe I'm forgetting something else, but...lots of disappointments and faffing about too (hello Hashira Training Arc).  As far as BES, Any show that blasts a Japanese cover of For Whom the Bell Tolls while the main character is tripping balls on some psychedelic flower while fighting a heavy to the death with a glowing blue samurai sword forged from a fallen meteorite...what more do you want in life?  End WAS a bit "and we have a second season too!" but, I'll forgive it, since...we get a second season!

12.  100+ degrees for the next week.  **** me!

This was the Most Necessary, Stupidest Idea I've Ever Had

 This "readthrough" is killing me.  AKA massive note taking session.  Just hit 46 pages.  Two months and counting of homework.  Finished FM5.  I don't think I've done this much background work since I started writing the series.  Mostly because I'm addicted to writing and dislike all the other aspects of this profession...

It's been so needed for so long, but...and like I don't write a lot in the summer because of how ungodly hot Fresno gets, but...schedule also got imploded by spinal procedures and the root canal so it made since to do it now when I couldn't write much anyway, but...and I have pet peeves that have developed about my writing in the last few years, pet peeves I keep seeing OVER and OVER in these old novels and I'm just...it's only two words Richard, two completely unneeded words but like 99.9% of your fan base has never noticed you do it over and over, so why do you care, huh?

Pfff...

Going insane.

But needed.

All of this will be so useful heading forward.  Checking info will be so quicker.  I have a file now that is just a list of every mancer and when they attended the Asylum and historical events as they happened and who must have played who in the Winter War and who must have been a student-advisor here and everything is just categorized, nothing getting lost through the cracks.

Also, as far as writing Seismic Semester, with the way the pain was so overwhelming at times, I just didn't look things up like I used to.  Pain really limits your ability to handle multiple tasks.  Writing was hard enough.  The idea of sitting at a laptop and searching through old chapters seemed impossible.  So...I made mistakes that I'll need to fix or explain before it's released.  Got that all figured out now because of this.  Nothing that should need huge rewrites, but an extra sentence or paragraph of explanation definitely.  I actually did pretty good considering how fuzzy I was on the painkillers and muscle relaxers.  The biggest one is that the Camping Test in Seismic Semester is only one night long.  Cuz I forgot it was multiple nights in FM2.  But there's is a simple reason to explain the change away.  So all good.

Well...I have Three Little Trips, FM6, Dread Fortress, Goes Home, and Dilemma left to get through.  Spending two weeks on FM6 alone might send me to a real asylum, so...wish me luck.

Release on Seismic Semester is looking like Feb/March btw.  We aren't making November without a super rushed edit process (one I don't know my spine can handle) and I don't release during the holidays.  Cover is getting done as we speak!  Feels real with a cover!  It's alive!!!

Ultra Class 2015 Reveal

Have I done this yet?  I feel like I haven't done this yet.

If you want to go in completely blind, obviously SPOILERS and stay away.

I could possibly change one or two names before release, only this feels pretty locked.  It will appear at the start of the novel just so you have reference since there are so many kids.  The day-long introduction to the class takes up multiple sessions in Seismic Semester and is one of the most complicated things I've ever written.

On the whole, and I know this sounds like sacrilege, I think 2015 is more complex and interesting than 2009, which was very top heavy with a lot of empty names (granted one's I've slowly filled in and can fill in more!).  Having almost finished the novel, I definitely have a couple favorites.  One of which I was very much not expecting when I started...

Maxwell Lamont - Hydromancer

Francisco “Paco” Garcia - Necromancer

Olivia Root - Necromancer

Nile Kane - Pyromancer

Sahara Kane - Pyromancer

Juliette Maes-Welf - Aeromancer

Dat Bao Nguyen - Electromancer

Adeline Hyde - Electromancer

Makoto Ikazuchi - Electromancer

Valko Nenov - Sciomancer

Leah Townsend  - Sciomancer

Gavin Gullick - Spectromancer

Roshanara “Ra Ra” Davani - Spectromancer

Summer Atwell - Cryomancer

Agnar Magnuson - Cryomancer

Ella Diaz - Floromancer

Jackson Shaw - Floromancer

Reginald “Reggie” Pike - Floromancer

Connor Coney - Faunamancer

Sigrid Erikson - Faunamancer

Kailani Kalani - Faunamancer

Alessandria Espinoza - Faunamancer

Douglas Moseley - Mentimancer

Cicero Yates  - Mentimancer

Divjot Malik - Corpusmancer

Gabriella Harper - Corpusmancer

Tatiana Itani - Corpusmancer

Chris “Fucks Pigs Chris” Miller - Corpusmancer

Chris “Never Seen a Darkie Chris” Olson - Corpusmancer

Chris “Cursing Chris” Lee - Corpusmancer

August - Return to the Grindstone

Only two appointments this month and no procedures (assuming they don't surprise me with the RFAs instantly instead of October like I expect).  Yay!

Probably the hottest month in all of recorded human history.  Boo!

Back at working on the series, specifically the readthrough.  Halfway through FM4.  Just hit 100 on my numbered notes for that book alone.  Almost 20 pages all told.  I'm definitely paying for my past self's laziness on not already doing this.  The Great Asylum School Year file grows and grows as I insert every odd, random, casually mentioned student across the whole of the series.  Ideas for the upcoming books are flying in.  Ideas for callbacks as we wrap up the school story as well.

Like...in FM4 during the recruiting trip I mentioned a 14yo girl named Marybelle who was good at making prized jams and assumed to be an Ultra Floromancer.  It's a one off reference without any real impact on the story but...that means she's Class 2013.  Thus, 2015's competition in the Winter War.  So remembering these things are very important.

Just...busy.  12 hours each, the last couple days.  Super glad I've done this.  Though having Seismic Semester sit at 10k words from being first draft complete is an itch in need of a scratch, I will say.

We'll get there, we'll get there!

July/August Seismic Semester Tease

I caught sight of Max returning from the showers already, towel thrown over his shoulders and flippered hands scrapping his knees on account of his freakishly long wingspan.  “Hey, if Tat chases Juliette then you have my permission to tackle her and hold her down until she comes to her senses.”

Max did not blanch.  Max blushed.  Guessing he had more than a few dreams that started exactly like that.  “I’m…I’m not sure I can…she’s…a whole lot of woman…”

“Well, that whole lot of woman ain’t ever gonna let you kiss her, much less do anything else with her, until you prove you’re her match, so think of this as practice.  Just…you’ve seen what she can do to a soccer ball, so make sure you cross your legs.”

“Don’t say things like that out loud!”

“The ball thing or the kissing thing?”

“All of it!”

Taking at least a week off, maybe two.  Very beat up from all the dentist and medical procedures.  Also, it has been so stupidly hot in Fresno for so many days in a row that I can barely think at the moment.

Now Introducing: Hell Fortnight

Second MBB tomorrow.  First one was miserable.  3 hours of relief into incredible pain all night.  I'm usually anywhere from a 4 to a 6, post MBB I was at least an 8.  This is, of course, with tramadol in me, so you can imagine how bad it would have been without the painkillers.  Also, I'm pretty sure I'm incredibly harsh on my pain grading scale since to me a 9 is like...physically can't get out of bed, and some of other patients I listen to at the surgery center throw them 9 and 10s around like candy.

Some of it is probably my own fault, since the minute I had that relief I was using my hand in ways I haven't been able to, flickering my fingers about and stretching the ligaments.  Another weird side effect is I regaining feeling my my left big toe, which I haven't felt in...3 years.  So, it's definitely the right spot this time around.  Super weird since they're working on my neck, not my lower back, where the actual nerves responsible for the lower extremities are located.

Nerves are weird

Went into the dentist once for crown prep.  I guess there's quite a bit of work to be done since it's so close to the gum line, so I have to go back next Thursday, extending Hell Week into Hell Fortnight.

One bright spot:  readthrough and notetaking continues despite recovering.  Finished FM3 and the Short Book, just about to start FM4.  I have ten pages of notes now.  Good stuff.  Just little details I'd forgotten or lines I can do callbacks on or ideas for future novels I've had while reading.  Getting into the LONG novels now, so doubt my progress will be as swift.  But on the other hand the writing is better, so I'm not dying of cringe like I did with FM1...

Probably going to go directly into editing Seismic Semester after I finish this.  Then when I get to the end I'll write the last 10k and...do it all over again.  Then again.  Then release.  Then flipping back between the Vicky novel and War to End All Wars.  I don't know how much more high school bullshit I can take without taking breaks...

FM3 was really important to reread for War to End All Wars since it has all the Winter Ball and Winter War info in it.  Similar to FM2 being important for Seismic Semester since it has all the Camping Test info.  Though the Camping Test in Seismic Semester is quite different since it's under new management...

And with that cruel tease, I fuck off!!!

Hell Week Incoming

Medial branch blocks on the 12th and 19th; dental crown on the 16th.

Do not expect much, if at all, work to get done during this period, with probably a 3 to 7 day recovery afterwards.  Totally blowing a hole right in the middle of July's chest.

Just started FM3 on the readthrough.  By the way, when I say readthrough, this isn't me just blitzing through the novels.  I'm taking pretty copious notes on little details and phrases I'm planning to highlight in the next few novels.  Much more like studying for a midterm/final than casual enjoyable reading.  So, it is major prep for editing Seismic Semester, outlining War to End All Wars, and brainstorming for the Vicky novel, FM7, and onwards.

This is something I kept putting off because of how much pain I was in and needed to put all my eggs in the writing basket to get any progress made, but...it is VERY important to increasing quality and connections through the series.

Also...a few typos and mistakes I've noticed along the way.  And copy and pasting the new "also by" section for when this all gets uploaded alongside Seismic Semester and an author's preferred reading order I did up for the end of the novel so people stop hopefully skipping any book that doesn't start with "The Foul Mouth".

Weirdos.

FM2 In-Joke

This is totally at the mercy of 2012 Google translate accuracy (not very) and probably doesn't work phonetically, but Lon Ga, the Vietnamese restaurant that delivers as a distraction, if flipped to 'ga lon' supposedly means "large chicken".  So...it's a huge cock joke...

On To FM2 in the Readthrough

I have the say, the jump in prose from FM1 (which even improves throughout that novel) into FM2 is pretty large.  For all the frustrations I have with FM2 (and the reviews mentioning sophomore slump) it's a whole level above what I managed in the debut.

Probably because I didn't immediately go into writing FM2, like you would guess from the release dates (six months after FM1).  FM1 was done far before it's release date in that stage of my career were I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to go the digital publishing route or try to get myself a traditional publishing contract ("you have to remove all the 'fucktards'."  Never!!!).  And there was actually a half dozen chapters of a Betrothal sequel and three or four??? other standalone novels I started and shelved (Gush is one, which I will finish one day I SWEAR TO GOD!!!  Also Sky-Island, a novel about a very violent treeman called Leafed For Dead and what you would basically label an Isekai nowadays called Where Dreamers Go To Die).  And, uh...there might have been a 500 page Star Wars fan fiction I wrote in the summer of 2010 which I've erased from the Internet.

I think all that experimentation, even if many were "failures", shows.  Not that FM2 didn't have its own complications.  It was originally meant to be much longer, with an added plot involving a Coyote warehouse that King Henry destroyed and for the school plotline I imagined the students managing to leave the Asylum grounds, finding a ShopsMart and King Henry stealing breakfast and cigs (this was snuck into FM4 during the road trip).  In the end, I just kind of accepted that it was a bridge novel with the sole purpose of introducing King Henry's classmates and the Coyotes/Vega and settled for the shorter novel where KH "failed" but as an adult showed character growth and was able to gain from making peace with his brother-in-law.

One of the surprises that I added to the novel was Meteyos.  This seems crazy now, but Meteyos and the Geo-Realm weren't supposed to be introduced until FM6.  One lesson I've learned from writing the King Henry Tapes:  everything will come faster than you ever expected it to.  Or...Richard Raley just doesn't have any patience...

AND FM2 has the best chapter one hook of any of the books in the series.  It's a banger.  Seriously, anyone read "Jordan Josephine Price...found her at last" and put the book down?  Or did you groan in pain when you saw the next chapter was in the school timeline and realized you were in for an all-nighter?

Root Canal Done In One

My endodontist is a machine.  A five-foot, tiny-fingered, tooth-grinding machine.  Guess my problem was having a massive cavity inside the actual gum line, below the cavity my dentist could see even with his normal dental x-rays.  So...yeah, 3 hours in the chair as she cleaned it out, did a root canal, and built the whole core up so the dentist could finish the job later this month.

Good News:  I'm two appointments below where I thought I would be for the month.

Bad News:  I'm fucking super sore.  My jaw is a wreck.  My spine...heh.  Going to be in bed a couple days!

Happy 4th to you all.  

Fun Little Fact

Fun note from the FM1 readthrough.  This paragraph:

“I wouldn’t necessarily need to kill you.”  Annie B, back to licking her lips.  Winter clothes or not, the hungry look returned when she talked of me as a shell.  “You’d just . . . hold me for a while until I could find a suitable replacement.  It’s not painful . . . it can even be enjoyable.  Like an invisible friend.”

Was originally included because I planned to have a scene in FM4 where they had to do something similar so Anne avoided detection as a stowaway, but never found the right time to include it.  Always another novel, I suppose... 

Month of Misery About the Start

Well...I failed.  First draft isn't done yet.  2 to 3 writing days from finishing, maybe 4 max.  But...pain has still been elevated just enough to keep from getting any kind of on/off routine going.  Won't know how bad and tight the appointments in July will be until Wednesday, maybe Thursday.  Might have a few days before the first MBB procedure to manage it.  Maybe not if the root canal intrudes.  Going to be very tricky.

Been watching Copa and the Euros.  Fucking Team USA!!!  Why can you never be normal!!!  Working my way through Shogun, which is incredible.  Though it's so good I find myself wanting to savior it and not binge.  Such a clash of foreign cultures to each other that it almost works as a time travel story, right?  Can put yourself in Blackthorns shoes.  Hopefully not in place of the guy that got boiled alive though.  Am taking a diversion to quickly binge season 3 of the Bear.  Which has 100% won the Emmy in its category.  Everyone should just give up.  Race is done.  OVER. (Edit:  Take this back after finishing the season.  They left the door open for someone to take the crown.  Individual powerful scenes and episodes that didn't really develop and ran in circles, very obvious half a story.  Carm just...kind of went nowhere.  Syd didn't make her choice yet.  Too much Fak.  Etc.)

Gamewise I'm currently addicted to Cobalt Core.  Which is a deckbuilding Roguelike with a cutsie Sci-Fi story with great gameplay mechanics revolving around board placement.  Totally recommend it if you're into that type of game.  Surprisingly funny.  Made me laugh out loud a few times.

As I planned, I've started rereading FM1 with the idea of going through whole series in the next month to refresh myself on the facts and maybe a bit of inspiration before I get into Edit Hell.  Already found a typo that's somehow existed for over a decade without anyone ever mentioning it.  Outside of that it's so very cringe reading your older work, especially stuff from the very beginning of your career.  I was...like 25, maybe 26 when I wrote this stuff.  Which in writer years is like...you are wearing those inflatable armbands when you get in the pool, child!

Do find myself smiling over the early Ceinwyn/KH scenes, but I'm so beyond better than what I managed in 2010.  Miles and miles and miles.  Like...the Annie B intro scene is extremely rough.  Actually wrote that chapter before the T-Bone one if I recall correctly.  Though the school story was written before anything in the mainline.

And King Henry Price of all people thinking this:

I didn’t say anything witty.  I was never witty before a fight, rarely during too.  All business.  Showboaters pissed me off.

It's not how the character has played out AT ALL in the school timeline once I started understanding his psyche.  It's a phrase that might work for 14yo version, not the recent Asylum graduate.  Yes, KH is often a hypocrite, but...mega delusional.  And a mega whiplash moment after writing Seismic Semester, since the levels of trash talk Welf and KH throw at each other in that novel is MASSIVE.  And that's only a bit over a year before the mainline starts.  Oh well, we'll put it down to Old Man King Henry not remembering exactly what he was like then and handwave it away!

So...what's your favorite FM1 moment?

Crawling to the Finish Line

I don't know if it was that burst of writing 4 in 5 days or if I did something else stupid I didn't notice at the time, but the spine called it quits and I spent all of last week in bed more or less, in an extra amount of pain.  So, not a lot of work done.  Did finally get back at it yesterday and pumped out about 3k.  Going to have to be very careful with the urge to rush to the finish line on this one.  Same when we're in Edit Hell.  Only three scenes left to go.  All wrap up and launching us into War to End All Wars.

SO CLOSE!!!

July is $*%#ed

So, I'm starting next month off with my usual monthly appointment at the Spine People, then we're getting into my branch block as prep for the RFA later in the year on my C4-C7, so that's three appointments, two of which will require three days to a week of recovery time.  THEN, my tooth that had a filing fall out is in need of a root canal, which starts on the 3rd.  If it goes the same as my first root canal, that means crown prep, root canal part 1, root canal part 2, and final crown placement, all in a miserable dental chair pressing right on my spine.

TOTAL EXPECTED JULY APPOINTMENTS:  8.

In 100 degree weather, such an added bonus!

Thank you, Fresno, love you too!

I have zero hope for any new writing to be done through this hassle.  It's probably when I'll do the full series readthrough I've been procrastinating.  If I can even do that, since that's like a LOT for my spine to recover from one after another.

But..

THE GOOD NEWS:  finished the penultimate chapter and I'm now 5k words into the last chapter.  5 scenes and one transition left to write.

I went...maybe too far in that penultimate chapter.  Not sure.  Didn't escalate quickly but once it escalated...it's all earned, just...how I wrap it up also needs to be earned.

Have two appointments left this month, so its going to be about sneaking in time here or there to finish it.  Might not make it and will need to push finishing it to August, which would likely push release back to November.

Wish me luck and cooler weather!

June Seismic Semester Tease

Listening to Miss Strange chew out Singles for being stupid fucktards was the unexpected highlight of my night. 

“Why did you climb up the rock in the first place, Yates?” 

“I was trying to see over…I suppose over the trees. It was completely logical at the time…” 

Could easily imagine Strange's furious expression.  Ya know, having been responsible for it a few hundred times. “And was the rock taller than the trees?” 

The small boy didn't answer, you didn't answer when Miss Strange used that tone, or you'd get an orange across your forehead.  Boy might have been a coward who abandoned two of his classmates, but for a mentimancer he had unexpectedly solid interpersonal skills.

It has Happened

THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY SECOND LONGEST NOVEL, surpassing Mancy Martial Artist in size.

Somehow.

700 PAGES OF MAGIC HIGH SCHOOL BULLSHIT!!!

YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!!!

A Rather Stunning Statistic

Went through my numbers and realized that since the end of last June when I finally felt decent enough to start using the phone, I have somehow written over 100k words and counting.

When I was healthy and focused I almost always set 200k as my yearly goal, so still some to go, but it's a pretty significant amount.  I very much had "bad" years in there where I only wrote 120-140k and this isn't that far off.  Considering how much of it is from stolen days here or there...well, was a morale booster.

Is any of it good?

I hate how back and forth I go on that question.  This will be my 14th novel and STILL.

Last week was prime This Is Shit, I'm Shit, It All Must Be Shit, Why Am I Writing This High School Bullshit territory.

Last couple days...felt like I'm pretty awesome.

Writing wise I have maybe a couple more days on this chapter (three max) and then will need to tackle all the resolution...which is considerable.

Editing...I have no clue how that's going down.

We will see when we get there!  But apparently...we WILL get there!

6/2 Update:  Some clarification.  First, thanks for the kind comments.  But...I don't think I'm bad overall or like...whining for the sympathy you all so wonderfully supplied, however in the middle of writing a novel, especially while you're looking at a first draft that you know needs so much more work before it's published, you can really feel miserable about how you've gotten yourself into this situation and just get occasional periods of intense self doubt.

This has been especially bad with Seismic Semester due to a plethora of reasons.  Health problems limiting me.  Having to split the story into two books because I didn't accurately outline and had no idea how herculean the task of adding a whole new class of students (30 new characters) at once would turn out to be.  The chaotic plot style.  The biggest being...its complete school story.  I've fully enjoyed writing just two of the school stories (FM1 and FM3) and its given me the most headache out of anything in the whole series.  There's a reason why this was supposed to be the last one.  I want to get back to the mainline SO BAD.  Only now I have to write a whole new one to wrap up War to End All Wars.  Which shouldn't be as bad since I've introduced 90% of the new characters in this book, but...

But then you write a great scene or start editing a scene you wrote previously and think...man, I'm fucking good!  I can pull this off!  I'm not fucking crazy!

May Seismic Semester Tease

"You hug Victoria."

"No, Vick catches me unaware and won't release until I'm properly mauled. There's a difference."

Back to Work (With Slight Speedbump)

Have to see to dentist on Friday cuz on exiting RFA-ville, mostly unconscious and starving, I chowed down on an emergency granola bar and out popped a filling and that tooth is very angry despite the copious amounts of painkillers I'm on.  But, outside of that, look free and clear until next month.

Edited the last chapter I wrote and now have 50 pages to type into the computer.  AGAIN.  Also readthrough/lightly edited the 160 pages of the Vicky novel I haven't looked at in like...probably five years at this point.  It was so jarring to read that POV, just...so different from school line King Henry I've been living and breathing for years now (for too long, SAVE ME!!!).  Vicky's very observant, so much revolves around both her political acumen and her ability to see auras, and even the prose is more complex with these multipurpose sentences and paragraphs that you don't see in Seismic Semester nearly as much.

One thing I haven't talked about, is because I'm having to write on the phone, you're going to see a much more direct prose similar to the early novels in the series than the more free flowing stream of consciousness I played with in FM5/FM6.  Some people hated it, some people loved it, but its a lot harder to maintain with my thumbs on a phone than just getting super creative with a keyboard, wandering wherever I may.

Another difference is there's so much more dialogue in Seismic Semester.  Not that KH can't be introspective, but with Vicky and the Welfs and the political focus, every sentence, every pose, every piece of clothing has multiple meanings she's trying to decipher.  In contrast, with Seismic Semester, with all the new 2015 kids introduced and the 09ers and the teachers, etc., you just have constant chaos where you do not have a moment to think about what just happened, there's always another character to talk to, another plot (major or minor) that's going to pop up and then disappear as issues go round and round the merry-go-round.

Another big one...having spent the last few years post Everchanging Dilemma focused on recovering my health and high school hijinks, then suddenly have all those very serious terms and politics from the main storyline back in play...was a very OH YEAH moment.  These stakes feel so much more serious.  We know so much more about the Mancy.  We know so much more about Divines and dragons and Realms and ya know...there's a massive rebellion with psychotic lunatics on the loose.

It also contains perhaps my favorite monologue I've ever written, courtesy of Moira von Welf.  Vicky is the main POV character, but in many ways Moira is the star of the novel.  She brings her A game time and time again.  Real God had enough of Job's shit energy.

So...jarring.

But we are on the very last legs of Seismic Semester now.  Currently editing the 7k I already wrote in this chapter.  Right on the edge of finally writing one of the scenes I'm really looking forward to in this story.  Then the wrap up and we'll be in a slightly slower than usual Edit Hell.

Getting closer and closer!

Also, summer is here.  90s all week.  Boo, Fresno!

EDIT 5/18:  Well, that sucked.  I'm hurt more from the dentist than I was from the RFA.  Gonna need a quiet weekend before I even think about getting back at it.

Survived

I thought my first RFA hurt the most because it was the first I'd experienced and since I was in the most pain at that point, but apparently it was just the area they did.  Which was what they just redid.  OWWWWW.

This is officially the most typing...or sitting/standing...I can do at the moment.

Author will return in a week.

May

Almost 5k words into the latest chapter, but 3 appointments to start the month, ending with the left side T6-T9 RFA.  Means very little work getting done in the first half of the month.  Just sent an email to Deranged Doctor Designs to get a cover booked, so that'll be ongoing.  Did print out the last chapter to do some edits during my ow-ow-stuck-in-bed week.  Might also start reading through the series to start finding some random info drops I need to recall.

Why ain't you fans anal enough to have started a wiki and fill it with every little detail I can just anonymously check, huh?

You're failing me!

Also have all of the Vicky novel (I think like 150 pages?) printed up, so if I run out of things to keep occupied I suppose I can get to that as well...

Outside of that, watching things, reading things.  I'm officially an old man since I got excited yesterday when I realized Erik Larson has a new history novel out...buying a non fiction novel day one, what has happened to me?  And I'm reading things in paper again!  Not on the kindle...

Guess I'll be complaining about the newest generation next.  Stupid Zoomers.  In my day we protested with drum circles!  You're doing it wrong!

Update:  RFA got pushed up to Tuesday, had to cancel other appointment.  Means I'll have more of May to write after I recover, I suppose.  Also added about 4k more into the second to last chapter.  Kind of iffy on if this scene will make the final cut.  Feels very similar to other sections and might interrupt the tone I'm going for.  But its also quite heartfelt and some solid humor.  We'll see!

One Step Closer

All 500ish pages of edits have been typed into the laptop!!!

Made a big push the last couple weeks and I am sore and cranky because of it, but it's done!  Yay!

Have two quick scenes left to finish off in this chapter I'm working on, then its the climax chapter, and the falling action/wrap up chapter.  My back has been pretty iffy, but as long as I pace my spine and write every other day I should be able to make progress over the next couple weeks.  3 doctor appointments to start off May, including the other half of the RFA (left side), but then I only have one in June (so far).  Might finish the first draft by then...maybe?  Please kind sir?

Plan:  Mad Scientist when able and binge the crazy amount of great TV releasing at the moment.  And watch the NBA Playoffs.  And City winning the Prem...again.  And Verstappen winning...again...and again...and again.

4/23 Update:  Two chapters left.

Random Asylum History Facts with Maudette Lynch

“Oh, yes!  Every few years there’s a runner traumatized by the Test.  We catch them before they leave campus these days.  Most head to their favorite spot for a bit of quiet and a cry—the Mound or the Gym, even the Library—but in 1966, Nelson Jekyll made it all the way to Stockton due to a particularly generous van of hippies.  Poor boy was stoned out of his mind and had lost his virginity thrice over before we found him…”

Ow...

 Ninth time, still surprised how much it hurts.

Mice and Men And All That Jazz

So the MRI results showed "moderate" issues in my C4 to C7 range.  Like...there's things there that are very not good, but maybe not to the cut out bone and slam in screws and rods range.

What this means is that the last RFA (Radio Frequency Ablation, AKA Burninating the Nerves) C7 to T2 missed 3 out of the 4 problem areas.  Which is bad, but also...it gave me so much relief as is, I'm very hopeful about what a correctly placed one will do.

However, because my very first T6-T9 RFA is over a year old at this point and its relief is rather quickly wearing off (basically serious mid back pain that gets worse and worse the longer I sit and stand until I have no choice but to lie down and rest) and because that new C4-C7 RFA would require me to go through the whole branch block testing procedure again (basically the whole same thing as an RFA except its just some lidocaine (I think) that lasts 24 hours as a test), docs and me decided to get the T6-T9 out of the way first.

Some other good news is that what usually takes four to six weeks to schedule is INSTANTLY happening next Thursday and then the second half at the start of May (since they do one side and then the other).

After that we'll get to the branch blocks and finally the full C4-C7 in October/November.

So that's six procedures over the rest of the year, but no crazy surgery that's got some serious recovery time and PT attached.

My plan was to go full Mad Scientist Mode after this appointment I just had and try to finish the book this month, but that's probably not in the cards now.  Will still write when able and in smaller bursts, but I need that recovery week after every RFA pretty much, so...more broken up instead of one blast!

And if any of you respond and tell me to think about my health and recovery instead of writing, I will kick you in the fucking shin 😡

First Toe Dip Of Edit Hell Survived

Edit Hell is over.

Some pages are...very red.  With whole added conversations and descriptions written on the back of them.  Others...were perfect and barely have one or two marks.  Anyone else get paranoid when this happens?  There must be something wrong!  Where are you?!?

I'm taking a week off (outside of entering some of the 600 paper pages into the laptop each day or I'll never finish before release) until my next doctor appointment with the Spine Peoples at the start of April.  My mind is really exhausted at the moment.  Not a state you want to write the finale of your novel in.  Plus, outside of a couple episodes of Brooklyn 99 before bed I haven't watched any TV or movies and I really want to watch Shogun and the Gentlemen and Invincible S2 and...a billion other things.

Spine is still holding up moderately decent-ish, but RFA could need redone as earlier as May and next appointment I'll be talking with the doctors about whatever the MRI showed, so we'll see about that too.  So, April I'll take a shot at finishing the last couple chapters.  Lot happens in them and every chapter in this novel is MASSIVE so I'll try my best.  Will be having fun doing it!  Welf and KH have some very intense moments in this novel.  After that I plan a complete readthrough of FM1-FM6 to get all that info back into my brain since I've written a few scenes in this book where I'm like...that might be accurate, Richard, you need to check.

But i don't want to check, continuity is so stupid!  Who cares what floor their dorms are on?  Who cares if he took Sabine to the Winter Ball or not?  Did he take Vicky too or did I think it but not write it? I can't remember!  Waaah!

Your fault for giving a shit.  Could've just been a hack writing generic harem LitRPG, but noooo...

Waaah!

And then a computer edit and a final kindle edit.

Then ya'll get to enjoy it too.

Writing Order TBD? (Question for Fans)

So if I do split the last school story, which is looking more and more likely (currently in the middle of a going on three week mini Edit Hell btw and I'm losing my FUCKING MIND!) there's a bit of a question on what I should focus next.

It would either be...

Version A

The Foul Mouth and the Seismic Semester (Second To Last School Story)

The Foul Mouth and the War to End All Wars (Last School Story, direct sequel to Seismic)

Vicky Welf and the Mancy Masquerade (FM6.99)

The Foul Mouth and the Most Obvious Trap (FM7)

The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble (FM8)

Or...

Version B

The Foul Mouth and the Seismic Semester (Second To Last School Story)

Vicky Welf and the Mancy Masquerade (FM6.99)

The Foul Mouth and the Most Obvious Trap (FM7)

The Foul Mouth and the War to End All Wars (Last School Story, direct sequel to Seismic)

The Foul Mouth and the Runaway Rumble (FM8)

*****

Version A would be sensible just because I'm already in the school mindspace with all the characters and its an easy continuation, but...Version B would give you the mainline real juicy shit quicker.

Basically you need to know the characters (Class 2015 and a few more) introduced in Seismic Semester for when they show up in FM7 and the Vicky novel, but you don't need the full story yet.  So...we can go back to the mainline for awhile.  Also, the Vicky novel is already like...2/5ths done...probably.  I haven't checked yet.  One novel is more than enough for me at the moment.

LOSING MY FUCKING MIND!

Who cares about Vicky that much?  RAWR, GIVE ME CURSING BOY!!!  Trust me...without spoiling anything...this book is important.  And, uh...there might be some cursing boy in it...

Go ahead and let me know if you have a preference.  I'm still undecided on this one and will probably go back and forth twenty times and let's get the one book out before we get ahead of ourselves, but...did I mention I'm losing my mind yet?

Retconning Evals

So in War to End All Wars/Seismic Semester/Whatever-the-Fuck I decided to create a much more active and strenuous Eval week compared to the little meeting you get in the Conquering Hero short.  It's a lot more fun and interesting and true to the Asylum we've come to know, love, and fear, instead of my throwaway idea for a short story all the way back before the series had really established itself and when I was still trying to figure out this whole author thing.

As such I've re-edited Conquering Hero to match this new idea and placed it just after 09's Camping Test as a kind of preliminary class ranking.  Tone remains the same.  But...ya know, sacrificing something that could be cool in a 1000 page novel (or two 500 page novels) seems really silly over a 10 page short story almost no one mentions.  EVER.  This won't be uploaded until the new novel comes out, whenever that is.

Slightly related, I have finally unpublished the individual King Henry shorts from Amazon so they are no longer available for sale.  Now you can only purchase them and read them in the King Henry Short Pack. (if you own the old ones, they should still work fine) Which was half the price of buying all six shorts separately anyway.  And easier for me to update.  And I make 70% royalties on it not 35%.  So...it's just better all around!

Outside of that, I'm doing a massive readthrough/edit on the new book.  It's 600 manuscript pages, 165k words.  Really coming along nicely now.  Tightening up.  Story and characters:  flowing.  Themes:  building.  Pee-holes:  make sure you protect them.

Done with doctors for the month and only one appointment next month, so...hoping for a big push.

Mad Scientist, engage!

?Hopeful? March Update

February was the best month I've had since my spine exploded.  Pain is down.  Progress is up.  Still can't type much or sit in a chair--no Dune 2 on the big screen for this geek!--but I can totally put in three 1-2 hour sessions every other night on my phone's note app.

Meaning I've written 20k words in the last three weeks.  Yay!

Still on the same session.  Boo!

Splitting the novel looking more likely than ever.  Eek!

Have set the decision date on that to early June, since I'd like to have new content out in whatever form by October and I'll need a few months editing and the cover people also have a wait list of about the same time.

Thinking title wise we'll go with The Foul Mouth and the Seismic Semester.  I will say, that it is rightly the most school focused story I've written.  Not just AT the Asylum, but you really feel PART of the Asylum.  There's tests, there's clubs, there's jokes and pranks and magic and random encounters with Constructs and Fairies and Giant Fucking Wolves.  And so many characters who usually got pushed to the side before.  There's several Asa scenes!  It finally happened!!!  Jessica and Quinn have dialogue.  OMG!!!

Also, when I was working on the last session, which is the true plot midpoint, the idea of splitting it felt really bad.  Like...worse than the first Dune movie bad.  That's it?!?  Give me more sandworms, bitches!!!  But working on this session and knowing how its wrapping up, it feels like a much fairer endpoint and a satisfying emotional payoff that will launch us into a very confrontational Winter War.

So I'm more content with the split now.  Totally expect reviews shitting on me for it.  But maybe not rioting.

Still...won't decide until June.  If I pump out 100k in the next few months and it looks like I can wrap the whole thing up as a MEGAZILLA monstrosity, we'll do that instead.

Or my spine could implode again...

I take everything day to day at this point.

Doctor wise, I have two appointments this month.  One is the MRI on my cervical spine they're finally getting done.  That's still where the worst pain is, right in my C7 spine area.  Just like a fucking knife right in there gouging bone as it twists around and around.  If they find something serious we might be talking fusion or whatever other surgeries they might try.  That happens and its quick, won't be a lot of writing done while I recover.

Will be once I am recovered though...

And chairs.

I miss chairs!!!

WtEAW Tease: Guess the Speaker Edition

 "I have no desire whatsoever to actually know what you did to the stupid eagle!"

--------

Here's what we'll do.

Since you're all flailing about and I am a kind, caring author, this one time we will extend the scene to make it easier.  But from now on I will only extend the scene when one of you guesses correctly!

--------

"I don’t dare let you run wild around the school…creating Mancy knows how much mayhem.  Dingle’s already come to my door for three weeks in a row, screeching over whatever you and your Singles did to her eagle."

I opened my mouth again.

"I have no desire whatsoever to actually know what you did to the stupid eagle!"

Mouth closed.

Like Riding A Bike...Into a Bush

Back at this writing new material thing as of Monday.  Popped out 2500 words on the phone.  Figure I'm halfway done with this session.  Spine seems to not be going crazy yet.  The biggest problem yesterday was my brain turning into total mush.  I still don't know how some authors (claim) write every day back-to-back.  I've almost always been a one on and one off kind of guy.  Some of yesterday's malaise is probably because I'm so out of shape, but...editing, rewrites, all that, 16 hour days for a month straight, I'm fine; but actually spewing creation out on a blank page?  Mush brain the next day for sure.  Sometimes longer.

So I'll be trying some more tonight, since I am currently in Vampire Mode.  One of those awkward moments where I spent a great deal of mental energy imagining the scene before and after this one with multiple scenarios and outlines, but only have a brief descriptive line here and...what the bleep ya gonna do, RR?

December Evals.  Montage?

That's what I get to work with.

Damn you, Past Richard!

Small Victories

I only have one doctor appointment this month.  It's also this week, so I'll have three weeks straight of nothing but writing and editing time.

YAY!!!

Granted one doctor appointment can make about a dozen more, but I will be actively spawn blocking...since I am very doctored out after nine procedures last year.  Given that the burninations use one of those constant x-ray machines so they can see into your spine real time, I'm a little surprised I haven't gotten any super powers from all the radiation.  Not even like...super spit.  Or a glowing asshole...

.

.

.

I checked.

[CLICK]

Also the 49ers are in the Super Bowl.

Not that they've won the Super Bowl since I was eleven, but, ya know...third time is the charm and all that.

Unless you're the Bills...

Or the Bengals...

Anyway, pain is as good as its been in two years.  Long as I take breaks I can type on and off into the laptop.  100 pages inputted with 30 to go.  Although not all pages are equal and some of these last 30 are redder than a Game of Thrones wedding.

So, yeah, nothing much to report.

Being industrious like.

Two Weeks Post

Started to feel a lot better.  Actually wasn't as bad this time around, mostly because so many of my nerves had already been beaten into submission, I'm sure!  But, yeah...can do some light typing now.  Maybe fifteen to twenty minutes before I need a break.  Still can't lift or reach or have anything at all touch my upper spine (so sitting in a chair is still pretty impossible), but...another big improvement.  Been plowing through the pages I printed out for editing.  Think I have maybe 20 left.  Over 100 finished.  Typed 45 or so into the computer.  Some of the parts I've already edited are pretty pristine, but every time I get to a section I ignored and haven't gone through yet...man, does that red cover the page!  Oh...I can also hand write with a pen again, though unless predictive handwriting software improves more than it current is or I win the lotto and can pay for someone to do the typing for me, that's probably still a limited avenue of getting work done.

Next up will be a readthrough of the 7k I already have for this chapter and then finishing the second half of it.  There's probably 6 to 8 chapters left to write.  Anywhere from 300 to 500 pages.  If I do split it, and again I won't make that decision until we're later in the year and I see where my progress is at and how my spine is holding up, I'm pretty sure I know how to do it now in a way that isn't totally sudden and shitty.  Still be a lot resolved in the second novel, but I don't think it will be as bad as I feared.  Desired result is still huge monstrosity, but...we'll see!

Medical wise...it's a waiting room to see how long these RFAs last.  They say six months to two years and the first one was a little over ten months ago.  The other thing, is that because they're working in the cervical area instead of the thoracic spine, I haven't had an MRI up there, so they want to get that done too.  If they finally find some compression or a serious herniation, that might mean surgery finally (but also might mean a more permanent fix!).  If the insurance is nice and they just agree, that's just one quick appointment.  If not...they'll make me do physio therapy again and I will want to fucking die for about a month before they discharge me again.

Other than that, I'm fully engaged on writing using the smart phone and editing up a storm on paper and typing in maybe 5 pages a day max!  Eventually it will be finished!  One day...probably before Martin finishes TWOW...might be bigger than TWOW too since King Henry is such a gabby fuck...

Extended WTEAW Tease

Currently editing about 120 pages I printed up to have something to do while I heal up.  Thought I'd share some!

A whole weekend to myself.

No more inevitable crises.

No more petty squabbles.

Every teenage dream, adolescent nightmare, and all that happened in-between.

Just me and my ol’ stomping grounds.

Unchained.

Too hot for TV.

Bigger, longer…wait…nah, still six inches.  Uncut?  Nope!  No elephant trunk coving this boy’s pee-hole!

Consider the King Returned, Bitches!

Where the elf women at?!?

Ain’t any.  Not outside of some randy collectable cards Russell Quilt keeps locked up in his desk drawer.  Miss Foster probably ferreted them out and burned the smut by now.  No, Sweetie, don’t do it!  Fiona Flamecrotch is worthy fifty dollars!  Mrs. Quilt, rather.  Somehow my epic bachelor party with the stripper bus hadn’t derailed proceedings, so I suppose randy elf cards ain’t gonna lead to divorce neither.  Been over a year of newlywed bliss from how Quilt talks and scuttlebutt says they took a long vacation a month back to try to sew their first little bundle of patchwork.  No word on if they succeeded or if randy elf cards were used to help the process along.  I’m not wearing those ears again, Russell!

I mean, even if elf women did exist, not too likely they’re letting my short ugly ass see that grade-AAA immortal elf coochie anyway.

Dwarf women?

Fo’ sure with the dwarf women!

Not talking little dude kinda dwarf women neither.  Talking the kind that’s stockier than Romanian shot-putters and hairier than any Armenian girl ever existed, even Khloe Kardashian.  Dwarf women, the original gold diggers!  Look at the bushy beard on that one!  You see the braided nipple hair tassels she got going?  And that trunk!  Look how muscular and square it is!  Forget cushion for the pushin’, give me ridges for the grippin’!

Burnination 2B Done

Enter two weeks of a screaming shoulder, aching muscles, and bed lounging.  Finished the chapter I was working on, plus 7k into the next one, btw.